Yami Christmas
by akitosohma
Summary: Sequel to Yami Blackjack! Now it's Christmas time and the yamis need to learn how to give. What else can go wrong when they are sent back to the asylum where their doom awaits?
1. In the beginning

In the beginning…  
  
It was near Christmas time. A time of the joy of giving and just being happy. All the people were decorating their houses with lights and more lights. The trees were being decorated with many presents underneath so the children would wake one morning to open them. Then they would sit down and have a feast of turkey and a lot of other good food. It was a jolly holiday.   
  
Several months had passed since the insane asylum had acquired several people who had claimed that spoons are evil and squirrels were going to take over the world. There was Inu-Yasha, Tasuki, Kyo, and Akito who had finally settled down to be allowed to stay in the same room. They were all in straitjackets and Akito had long calmed after she had bitten a doctor so she could be a vampire. But they had kept that mask over her mouth and she was finally allowed to eat meat. They were still clinically insane but improved after episodes with shouting at the mirror and getting sedated. Akito and Tasuki both have competitions to who would be sedated the most.   
  
Akito had the highest after many scenes of her clawing at mattresses, biting doctors, trying to fly by jumping off walls, and screeching. Tasuki had her episodes of crying about how children were out to get her and pink bunnies were going to live in her dyed hair. Inu-Yasha would scream whenever he got near an oven or he would set the kitchen on fire. Kyo would sit in corners with a slingshot so she could shoot the squirrels when they attempt to make her one of them. The doctors had pondered about this problem and as from previous lessons, thinking is bad for the brain so they were sent to the hospital with damage to the brain. Only the blond guard and the black haired driver remained behind.   
  
"Inu-Yasha, what's all that white stuff falling from the sky?" Akito asked.  
  
"That means the sky is getting ready to fall and we shall all die." The dog demon crossed his legs and returned to meditate.   
  
"I thought we were going to die by driving off a cliff," Kyo said.  
  
"That was MY idea and that midget Yami took it!" Tasuki bared her teeth and chewed on her straitjacket.  
  
"No, I thought your idea was to gather a crowd, give a long speech on how the human race sucks, and then kill yourself there." Akito turned around. She suddenly yelled and ran to Kyo, her teeth a few inches from her throat.  
  
"Bad Akito! No sucking blood from those in here!" Kyo tightened Akito's mask and the black haired girl whimpered.   
  
"Kyo is no fun." She turned and sat in a corner.   
  
"I thought she would have gotten over that stage already." Tasuki said.  
  
"She loves Lestat so that will be hard for her to get over it." Inu-Yasha glanced at Akito. "Well, her rants are fun so let's not stop her."   
  
"Who's Lestat?' Kyo asked.   
  
"A god!!" Akito yelled and rocked. A doctor came in and injected a sedative into her. After the doctor left, Akito hissed and kicked the door. "You will be the first to die mortal! I swear that I when I take over the world, this place will burn!!"  
  
"I thought she wanted to burn Australia." Kyo said. (A/N: I don't hate Australia. It just sounded funny)   
  
"That too!" Akito added. "And furthermore, your breath stinks!" She wrinkled her nose and kicked the door one last time and sat down.   
  
(Where the yamis are)   
  
The yamis were sitting on a bench while they waited for their hikaris to finish shopping for presents.   
  
"What's this Christmas they keep taking about?" Bakura asked.   
  
"It's some sort of thing when mortals waste money on buying stuff to give to other people. And they keep talking about this fat dude in a red costume that goes to their houses at night and leaves presents." Marik said.   
  
"The dude goes into houses?" the thief said. "So then he's a thief!"  
  
"No, he doesn't take things."  
  
"But he does take milk and cookies with him!" Bakura pointed out. He hissed through his teeth. "He's a master thief! And no one is the master thief but me!"  
  
"Get over it Bakura. It's the twenty-first century!" Marik rolled his eyes.   
  
"So! There's no thief like me!" the white-haired yami said proudly.   
  
Yami licked his ice cream cone. "Yum! Chocolate chip!" he said happily.   
  
"Why didn't we leave him with the other mortals?" Marik asked.   
  
"Because that midget hikari of his was going to buy a dog whistle so he would listen. Unfortunately, Yami bit the thing and it was bent. We had to put him on a leash for three weeks after that." Bakura shuddered. "My ass still hurts after he ran off chasing the mailman."   
  
"And Seto tried to tie Yami to the car when he was going to drive us off a cliff. I had my will written for that and we still didn't die! How were we supposed to know that Yami's hair had a parachute in it?" Marik shoved the cone into Yami's nose and the tri-colored pharaoh ran off, screaming that the Ice Age was returning.   
  
"I wonder what it would be like if we see those mortals again?" Bakura said.  
  
"We'd probably be lost in Antarctica or the North Pole. Remember how we got sent to the Shadow Realm?"  
  
"That was your fault. The biggest idea your poofy hair could come up with was to send all of us to that place. And whenever I duel, I have to take some stuff out so there could be room enough for my victims. Do you know how many spoons I found in there?" Bakura stepped on Marik's shoe.   
  
Marik snarled and pulled on Bakura's hair and bit his ear. "Okay! So that wasn't brilliant but what else was there to do?"  
  
"You could have sent THEM to the Shadow Realm and left us on the world so we can continue our plans to take over the world!" Bakura shouted, causing the people around them to stare.  
  
The yamis blinked and jerked from each other.   
  
"It's not what you think!" Bakura snapped to a hippie.   
  
"Yeah, rawck on dude!" the hippie said, punching his fist in the air.   
  
"What did you call me?" he asked dangerously. "Did you just call me 'dude'?"  
  
"Yeah, dude! Mah hommies an I are going to sing Kumbiah on Satuday! Wanna come dude?"  
  
"Not if you approached me with a ten-foot pole and help me kill the Pharaoh!"  
  
"Aww, that's not the way to live mah brother." The clueless hippie said. "You must love everything because everything is the way to be happy!"  
  
"Which planet did you come from?" Marik asked.   
  
"From da mother Earth like everyone else!"  
  
"Heard of the Shadow Realm?"  
  
"Sounds like bad karma, man. The yin yang must be balanced with peace and happiness."  
  
Bakura had about several thousand stress marks on his head. With his left eye twitching, he sent the hippie to the Shadow Realm. "You foolish mortal!" he shouted and banged his head against the pole next to him.   
  
"Who was that?" Ryou asked, dropping all the bags on the ground.   
  
"No one." Bakura said.  
  
"Well, the school wants all of us to do some community service during Christmas so we've decided to bring Christmas to those people you got into the asylum."  
  
"What?" Marik had gone to Malik and begun shaking him roughly. "You mean you want us to go back?"  
  
"Yep!" Malik said.   
  
"You! You are on their side! You are sending us to a trap! Don't you see!" Bakura was on his knees and hugging Ryou's legs. "Please! Don't send us back there!"  
  
"Bakura, you're getting attention…" Ryou noted the people staring at them.   
  
(At the asylum)  
  
"Okay everyone. It's Christmas and there will be some visitors coming." The blonde guard wished that the visitors would take them away. "And you must be on your best behavior."  
  
"Inu-Chan?" Akito asked. "Can I drink-"  
  
"No!"   
  
"Aww. But it's Christmas!" she whined. She still had the mask and her straitjacket was fraying from slamming into the walls.   
  
"Which is why we are going to help cure you by taking you to the daycare to sing carols for them. This should help cure you quickly," the blonde female doctor said.   
  
Tasuki jerked. "Children? AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" She chewed on her jacket, hoping it would free her. "They are evil!"   
  
Kyo and Inu-Yasha started singing anime songs.   
  
Akito twitched and curled in the corner. "No! They have sunlight there! I can't go there! You want me to burn into ashes?"   
  
"You are not a vampire Akito." Tasuki said.   
  
"Oh really?" Akito let out a snarl and attacked the blonde doctor. Her mask was the reason she could not bite. "Shit…"   
  
"Okay! So let's get going!" the black-haired driver led them to the car and they drove off with Tasuki screaming.   
  
Then all of a sudden, they hit something!  
  
"Hey! What gives?" Kyo demanded.  
  
"The children must have done that!" Tasuki screamed.   
  
"Or maybe we were attacked by an outside unbalanced force!" Inu-Yasha said.   
  
"I want coffee!" Akito snapped.   
  
Everyone peeked out and saw what they hit. It…was….a………..squirrel!!!!!  
  
"AHHHH!!!!! THEY'VE COME BACK TO HAUNT US!!!!!!" Kyo screeched and struggled with her straitjacket. She was restrained by the blonde guard and the blonde doctor. "THEY ARE GOING TO MAKE US ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!"   
  
Akito yelled and her mask did not muffle the screams that came from her. She rolled and was restrained by the driver.   
  
Then the yamis appeared with their hikaris.   
  
Bakura screamed like a girl and curled on Marik's head. "Squirrel!!!!!"   
  
-.-;;;;;;;;;; Marik scratched his head once then pulled Bakura off.   
  
Yugi stepped forward. "We'd like for you to take our yamis so they would know the spirit of Christmas."  
  
"You aren't one of THEM are you?" the blonde guard said, pointing at the humans in the back of the car. "Several months ago, they claimed to also have yamis."  
  
"No, they ARE yamis." The short midget pointed at Yami, Bakura, and Marik.  
  
"Whatever, more nutcases to cure anyway." He pointed to the door and the hikaris shoved their yamis in.  
  
"HAVE FUN!!!" they shouted as the car drove with Bakura yelling," NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!"  
  
When the car disappeared into the horizon, the hikaris took out sake and began to dance. "Our prayers have finally been answered!!!!"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*************  
  
Must...resist...coffee... 


	2. Jingle Bells

Jingle Bells  
  
  
  
"Alright students," said a demented teacher. "There will be some visitors that will sing Christmas carols to you. Please restrain from screaming when a squirrel comes because we don't want to scare them off."  
  
"Sensei, will that scary lady come?" said a girl with the chewed-on pink ribbon.   
  
"Don't be silly, she isn't scary. She's just...uh... different from us."  
  
"She's coming back everyone! We should just die now!" the girl shouted, making all the children look at her.   
  
Then...the door...opened!!! A tense silence followed with a few sneezes from the children who are about to see the nightmare that has returned. With a mask over her face.   
  
"AHH!!!" Tasuki screamed and tried to run out of the door before she was dragged in.   
  
Akito glared at the girl with pink ribbons and hissed. "I will hunt you down one of these years…" she said in a Lestat kind-of voice. "You will die before the squirrels take over your mind and monkeys will fly one day!"  
  
"Wahhhh!!!" the girl cried. "She's back!!"   
  
Yami twitched and sucked his thumb.   
  
Marik made the Cross and prayed that he would leave in one piece.   
  
Bakura watched Marik do the Cross.   
  
Kyo poked at the teacher.  
  
Inu-Yasha took out the Tetsaiga and posed as though he were about to attack.   
  
Akito went into vampire mode and retreated to a dark corner, glaring with shining eyes.   
  
"Alright! Let's start singing!" the blonde guard handed everyone carols and left quickly.   
  
  
  
"Dashing through the snow?" Tasuki said.  
  
"In a nuclear powered sleigh!" Bakura said.  
  
"Over the graves we go." Akito said in her vampire voice.  
  
"Screaming all the way!!!!" Inu-Yasha shouted.   
  
"I like cheese!!!" Yami sang.   
  
"Bells on Bobtails ring?" Tasuki shrugged.  
  
"Making dub Momiji cry!!!!!" Kyo and Akito screamed.   
  
"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Akito, Kyo, Tasuki, and Inu-Yasha screamed.   
  
"Oh what fun it is ride!' Marik put in.  
  
"In a nuclear powered sleigh!!!" they sang. "OH!  
  
"Jingle Bells!" Marik said.  
  
"Monkeys fly!" Akito said.   
  
"Squirrels shall take the world!' Kyo said.  
  
"They will come." Yami said.   
  
"Attack a yami named Bakura!" Inu-Yasha said.   
  
"Hey!" Bakura glared at them.   
  
"Jingle Bells!" Inu-Yasha sang.   
  
"What's a bell?" Akito asked.  
  
"Why do cows wear bells?" Yami asked.   
  
"They stand by." Kyo said.  
  
"Plotting revenge." Tasuki added.  
  
"Against a yami named Bakura!" they sang.  
  
"Hey!" Bakura snapped.   
  
"Dashing through the snow?" Tasuki said.  
  
"In a nuclear powered sleigh!" Bakura said.  
  
"Over the graves we go." Akito said in her vampire voice.  
  
"Screaming all the way!!!!" Inu-Yasha shouted.   
  
"I like cheese!!!" Yami sang.   
  
"Bells on Bobtails ring?" Tasuki shrugged.  
  
"Making dub Momiji cry!!!!!" Kyo and Akito screamed.   
  
"AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Akito, Kyo, Tasuki, and Inu-Yasha screamed.   
  
"Oh what fun it is ride!' Marik put in.  
  
"In a nuclear powered sleigh!!!" they sang altogether.   
  
The children were silent before some began to cry. Akito and Tasuki looked very pleased with themselves.   
  
"Ah, music to my ears." Tasuki said.   
  
"Mmm... cheese..." Akito murmured.   
  
"Why don't you sing something else?" the teacher asked, trying to calm the children.   
  
"Uhh..." They flipped through the music and found something.   
  
"What the hell?" Akito said.  
  
"You'd better not breathe!" Bakura shouted.   
  
"You'd better not move!" Marik snapped at Bakura.  
  
"You'd better not drink I'm telling ya dude!" Yami said.  
  
"Santa Clause is GUNNING YOU DOWN!!!!!!" Akito and Tasuki sang.   
  
"He's making a list." Inu-Yasha sang.  
  
"Checking it twice!" Kyo sang even louder.   
  
"Gonna find out who's dying tonight!" Akito shouted.   
  
"SANTA CLAUSE IS GUNNING YOU DOWN!!!!!!!" they sang together in drunken tones.   
  
"He knows where you are sleeping!" Bakura said.   
  
"He knows when you are in the can?" Kyo asked.   
  
"He knows if you've been bad or good." Inu-Yasha said.   
  
"SO DUCK FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!" Akito screeched.   
  
"You'd better watch out!" Yami chewed on his hair.   
  
"You'd better not cry!" Kyo whacked him.  
  
"You'd better not pout I'm telling ya why!" Marik whacked Kyo with his Millennium Rod.   
  
"SANTA CLAUSE IS EATING YOUR MOM!!!" Inu-Yasha yelled. ("Wha-?" Akito stared at Inu-Yasha.)   
  
"He's sharpening his knives!" Akito sat on Inu-Yasha's foot.  
  
"He's doing it twice!" Tasuki snapped.   
  
"Gonna find out who's dying tonight!" Kyo screamed.   
  
"SANTA CLAUSE IS EATING YOUR MOM!!" Inu-Yasha sang to a microphone. ("Where'd that come from?" Tasuki asked.)   
  
"He knows if you taste nasty!" Tasuki said.   
  
"He knows if you taste good!" Akito licked her lips.  
  
"He knows if you taste bad or good!" Kyo smacked Akito.  
  
"SO TASTE BAD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!" they shouted.   
  
"You'd better not breathe!" Bakura shouted.   
  
"You'd better not move!" Marik snapped at Bakura.  
  
"You'd better not drink I'm telling ya dude!" Yami said.  
  
"Santa Clause is GUNNING YOU DOWN!!!!!!" Akito and Tasuki sang.   
  
The children's eyes had gotten wide with fear and the girl with the pink ribbons went to Akito and whacked her with her doll. "You are an evil lady!" she shouted and whacked Akito some more. "Santa isn't evil! He gives us presents! You don't have the Christmas spirit in you!"  
  
Akito snapped and attempted to chew at the doll through her mask. Suddenly, her straitjacket fell off! Akito took off the mask and attacked the doll, hissing like a cat. When the doll was reduced to nothing but a pile of stuffing, she looked at everyone who backed away.   
  
"Oh great, the vampire has escaped." Kyo said. She climbed on the desk and took out a string of garlic.   
  
Akito opened her mouth and released an ear-shattering scream. She was restrained by the doctor that happened to come by and was put back to her straitjacket. She snarled and sank her teeth into the doctor's neck.   
  
"All you people!" she snapped. "You think that you can solve anything by treating them differently! But you will see that you are like us too!" Akito bared her teeth to the girl with pink ribbons, revealing fangs.   
  
"Okay, now she IS a vampire." Tasuki whimpered.   
  
Inu-Yasha went to Akito and patted her head. "Good girl!" he said. Akito stopped and began to purr like a cat.  
  
Everyone stared at them.   
  
"Why is she not biting you?" Marik asked.   
  
"Duh! I'm half demon!" Inu-Yasha finished patting Akito and took out a treat for the half-crazed girl. Akito immediately calmed and returned to her normal mode. Which was worse than her being a vampire.  
  
She looked at the children and yelled, "It's the evil mole people from the center of the earth!!!" She took a stick and chased the children with that stick.   
  
Tasuki took a plastic spoon and followed Akito.  
  
Kyo cringed and glomped Marik. "Poofy hair!" ^__^   
  
Inu-Yasha took out several bottles of eggnog and sake. "Hey! Akito!" she called. "I got candy!"  
  
Akito perked and ran to Inu-Yasha. She sniffed the bottles and took the sake and drank it.   
  
Kyo and Yami took the eggnog and guzzled it down. Inu-Yasha took a bottle of sake and drank it too. Only Tasuki, Bakura, and Marik didn't drink because the story needs some somber people here.   
  
Akito went crossed eyed and screamed," Hit me!" She ran to the teacher lounge and returned with a Bloody Mary. "Did you know this isn't real blood?" she said.   
  
Kyo and Yami sang drunken songs and were dancing in a circle. Inu-Yasha blinked. "That wasn't supposed to happen," he checked the labels. "Shit, they drank the eggnog that had sake in it and we drank the sake without eggnog."   
  
"Did he just say that?" Bakura said.   
  
"I wasn't listening," Tasuki answered.   
  
Akito yawned, her fangs making the children scream and faint, and went to sleep on Bakura's head.   
  
"Should I be scared?" he asked.   
  
"Nah, she likes you too much for that."   
  
Akito hissed and settled.   
  
"I feel safe..." Bakura took her off and put her on Inu-Yasha's head.   
  
"Pink leprechauns..." Akito murmured and kicked Bakura in her sleep. "Bad Fluffy-chan…"   
  
Inu-Yasha blinked and slapped the vampire awake. "Bad Akito! No candy for a week!" he scolded.   
  
Akito blinked sleepily but was awake. "Pink leprechauns want to take over the world..." she said in a drunken tone. She went cross-eyed and went wheeee.   
  
"Why isn't the dog demon drunk?" Marik asked.   
  
"Demons don't get drunk." Inu-Yasha explained.   
  
"But Rath got drunk once with Cesia!" Kyo yelled.   
  
"Who's Rath?" Bakura asked.   
  
"A morally depressed Dragon Knight but he's not in this story." Akito said.   
  
"Hey! Let's go out and sing some more!" Yami sang.  
  
"OKAY!!!"   
  
*************  
  
I need to get a life... 


	3. Heh, pink leprechauns are cool

**Wait, there are such things as pink leprechauns?   
**  
"Ohhh!! Shiny objects!" Kyo and Akito shouted as the decorations were being put on a Christmas tree. Una (a.k.a Tasuki. She decided to change her name.) was pulling on Kyo as Inu-Yasha carefully guided Akito away.   
  
"Now now Akito," Inu-Yasha wrapped his arm around her waist. "Let's go now. Shiny object will be there for the whole season. It won't go away."   
  
"Ohhh!" Akito ran and grabbed something from the ground. "I found a nickel!!"  
  
"Mine!" Kyo shouted and both fought for the shiny nickel. Insert explosions and random shouting.   
  
Yami must've been still drunk because he was singing off-key and running into lampposts.   
  
Bakura and Marik were debating their plans on taking over the world.   
  
"I say we take over everything using our Items!" Marik argued.   
  
"But that takes the fun out of things!" Bakura whined. "Why don't we take over each country one by one and THEN you can use your Item to control these people." He paused. "No, that gives you more power than me!"   
  
"I like that idea!" Marik said.   
  
"No, you will not get the power all to yourself!" Bakura punched him on the face.   
  
Yami looked at the fighting yamis and covered his ears. "Too much noise!" he cried. "I can't take it anymore!!" He turned and ran himself against the wall.   
  
Inu-Yasha looked at the sky that was now snowing. "I think the sky is getting ready to fall…"   
  
"What's with the sky?" Una shouted. "Can't you find something better to talk about?"  
  
"No."   
  
Akito stepped on Kyo's back. "I win the nickel!" she shouted.   
  
Kyo made an incoherent sound and bit Akito's ankle. "I…won't…give up!!"   
  
The vampire looked at Kyo, shrugged, and went to a candy vendor to return with candy. "Sugar for Akito!" she smiled, showing those fangs again which made Bakura whimper.   
  
"Note to self," he whispered, "Never make a vampire hyperactive."   
  
Una shouted and was about to go to Akito when she suddenly realized that it was a vampire she was going after. Well, would you approach a vampire that had candy? YES!   
  
She ran to Akito and snatched a piece.   
  
Akito swiftly sank her fangs into Una's throat and drank. Inu-Yasha went to her and said, "Okay, Akito. You've had enough to get high."   
  
Akito pouted and dropped Una who was barely conscious. "I want more…" she whined.   
  
Inu-Yasha was about to turn when the vampire suddenly wrapped her arm around his shoulders and drank from his throat.   
  
Kyo, who was watching, had gone to Yami who was repeatedly ran against the wall and pulled on his spiky hair to make him stop.   
  
Yami looked at her with a cross-eyed gaze and he suddenly pushed forward and kissed her. Kyo yelped and slapped Yami across the face.   
  
"You can't be that drunk!" she shouted.   
  
"Tuesday… is applesauce day…" Yami fainted.   
  
Kyo blinked. "I wonder if his mother dropped him on his head as a child," she muttered.   
  
Inu-Yasha went limp in Akito's arms as she carefully set him down. Akito licked her lips and said, "Demon blood tastes better than human's"   
  
Bakura approached her. "You seem powerful. Would you like to join me in taking over the world?" he asked.   
  
Akito cocked her head. "Fluffy-chan, I shall take over the world and proclaim that the motives of the chicken crossing the street shall never be questioned again!"   
  
Kyo suddenly glomped Marik again. "Neko-chan!"   
  
"Bad Kyo! Come!" Akito pointed down and Kyo obeyed.   
  
"When did Kyo listen to Akito?" Una asked.   
  
"When she found that Akito was the Head of the Sohma clan and Kyo had to obey her. Very simple." Inu-Yasha shrugged. "Although being a slave to Akito means getting bitten all the time."   
  
"Where are we going to this time?"   
  
"We go to the ends of the earth!!" Akito proclaimed and a bus appeared with an ad about Santa. She pulled everyone by the hair and dragged them inside.

* * *

I didn't feel like updating for a long time and I've somehow gotten addicted to Dir en Grey   
  
during the past few months. Yea, that's it. 


End file.
